If you’ve ever taken a writing class, you’ve definitely heard the “show, don’t tell” rule. It means that instead of explicitly telling the reader that someone is afraid or that this place is amazing, you let the reader come to that conclusion by the way you describe the thing.
Most good writing mentors acknowledge that this rule doesn’t apply to every single circumstance. Sometimes, it is more appropriate to tell, and showing would be a waste of time. But this week, I found some passages in The Book where I was telling, and did some quick edits to see if showing would work better.
EXAMPLE #1: DESCRIBING A NEW SETTING
In The Book, one of the primary settings is a castle, which my protagonists discover in the third chapter. Here are my edits based on the “show, don’t tell” rule:
Telling: “It’s a beautiful castle.”
Showing: “The walls are built from stones of all colors—gray and blue and white and pink. There are vines growing in some places, like out of a storybook. Maybe it’s abandoned. Maybe it’s haunted.”
EXAMPLE #2: CHARACTER APPEARANCE
The book is told in first person, which can sometimes lead to difficulties in describing the narrator herself. Here’s an early example:
Telling: “I have short hair.”
Showing: “This morning I pulled my hair into two tight braids that end just behind my ears.”
EXAMPLE #3: FEELINGS OR EMOTIONS
It can be easier to simply state how a character is feeling, but I’ve found that it’s often better to show that emotion to let the readers experience it for themselves. In The Book, the antagonist is a force called the Ventum Malum, which is basically the wind with a mind of its own.
Telling: “The Ventum Malum is furious.”
Showing: “The wind screeches through the tiniest cracks in the walls and sends splinters flying at us. We put our arms up to protect our faces, but I feel every prick of pain. I wedge my heels between the half-rotting wooden slats of the floor. And we wait for the storm to be over.”
FINAL THOUGHTS
In preparation for this post, I had to read back through a lot of what I had already written to find examples. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I actually had some trouble finding many examples of telling, which means I’m already following this rule!
I think in middle grade fiction, the line between showing and telling can become blurred. Younger readers can find long paragraphs of description boring. In adult fiction, often the pace is slower, giving time for a lot more showing. The Book I’m writing is very quick-paced and action-filled, but as you can see in the examples above, even a slightly longer moment of showing makes for a more vivid depiction of a setting, character, or emotion.
Do you find it difficult to decide when to show and when to tell? Let me know in the comments below.
Need some creative writing activities for kids, students, or yourself during quarantine? Check out the Writing Rules Mini Project I put together a few weeks back!
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